OR: The Self-Centered Diaries
I just love my friends!
They are an A-team bunch, hand picked, rising from the best of the best. They’re an eclectic combination of smart, sassy and gorgeous…. and always fabulous. My friends are the laboratory designed DNA combination of Cameron Diaz, Amy Schumer and Serena van der Woodsen.
They’re precious. Actually, no, they are more than precious: they are priceless.
There are few things I treasure more than our relationships, and our moments when we share embracing drunk stories, bad dates, and plans to conquer the world (yes, we totally do that!).
Having said that, let me tell you that the sucky-est way to lose your friends is to ….. yes, ladies and gentlemen, to parenthood!
Now, do not get me wrong. I have seen my friends flourish, find infinite happiness and unarguable meaning to their lives. I have seen their eyes sparkle, and oh, I am so happy for them. I really, truly, sincerely, am!
I am also really, truly, sincerely sorry for me! Here’s why:
Parents are that life-less state, of rational, interesting, fun-to-be-around individuals who got sucked into a vortex of doom, droll and vomit, and came out as intensely concerned and highly trained poop connoisseurs. Mayday! Mayday! The shit storm is coming!
Parents are the alien life forms that immersed from your best friends who used to wash down their morning hangovers with beer, and who are now always tired, always busy (but still loving) people who would pay their weight in gold to have the time to meet with you. Some time…. any time….in between play dates, diaper shopping and parenting podcasts.
Parents are those really glam divas you get to see when Facebook memories pop up, reminding you of the last time you met: 3 years ago!
Parents are those sleepy zombies, walking the earth in a state of trance, smelling non-parent blood, and sensing that your time is coming….knowing that you will turn too… and waiting… for you… to join them…for….
The Poop Apocalypse!!